Inspiration for the Erotica "Thick"

First of all, I'd like to extend a very kind and heartfelt thank you to each and every single reader who helps keep my blog running by taking time out of their busy day to look at the stories I create. I write for the enjoyment of my fellow fans and all I've ever gotten has been love and sweetness from all of you. THANK YOU.

Only a few days ago, I posted the first Taryll Jackson solo erotica my blog has ever hosted and the feedback has been tremendous--at the moment the reader count ifs already over 200 in less than a week. That's remarkable.

Now to be honest, I don't usually write blogs about what inspired my stories, but I felt that I needed to share what inspired me to pen Thick. My association with 3T started in 1998 when I first saw them in a documentary on the The Jackson Family (I've been an MJ fan since 1995) and I went serious with 3T in 2005. From the time I decided I wanted to be a fan of this boy--now man--band, I was attracted to Taryll. 

Taryll as he appeared in the late 1990s when I first got into the band. 

I just thought he was gorgeous and he was mine. And once I learned to spell his name correctly--a fact I took a poke at in Thick when Ali recalls how Taryll's name had been misspelled on his Starbucks coffee cup--I was just happy. My best friend had it out for his little brother TJ , and we flipped and flopped with Taj. 

But I noticed over the years, slowly, but steadily, Taryll began to gain weight. 

Again, I didn't really care. I mean I noticed, but it didn't effect his voice or talent. I was just like "The guy likes his food!" 

I mean, I knew for years Taryll was larger, and I was just like whatever. 

And then his reality show with his brothers Jacksons Next Generation debuted and it went hog wild online. People were so cruel to him and his brothers. Critiquing his looks, trashing Taj or still wearing braids at the age of 42 and even had the audacity to say that TJ was chunky and TJ's literally made time stand still for 20 damn years! 

Just because your name is Jackson doesn't mean you have to be 120 pounds soaking wet like a certain one-gloved relative. What worked for him and his frame isn't intended for everyone! 

I'll tell the truth, I initially agreed with TJ when he said Taryll had to lose the weight, but as the season progressed, I just found myself saying no. The more and more I learned of how dissatisfied Taryll was in nearly all aspects of his life--aside from making music and fathering his two little boys--the more I grew to understand that perhaps his weight gain was from stress eating. I've seen people under stress else eat more, or lessen what they eat. I personally am the latter. And several times Taryll seemed several seconds from flying off the handle and cried 5 out of 6 episodes. 

I was really hurt because he was literally screaming for help and trapped in a corner.

Don't get me started on his "relationship" with his sons' mother. I'll get a migraine. 

I mostly wrote Thick out of a state of anger. I was just angry that people were riding Taryll's ass claiming he was fat: 

This is not "fat" to me. This looks like the average body shape of a man to me. 

And while I can't understand all of the stresses in his life, the weight one hit home for me. 

This is me. I'm 29, and now a healthy 155 pounds and size 8. Years ago I was 260 pounds and a size 26 and had to shop exclusively at Lane Bryant. An illness knocked the weight off me. (I went into renal failure in April of 2009 and have been on dialysis ever since) 

I could tell just by looking at his body language that Taryll was uncomfortable with himself: 

I noticed Taryll standing like this all through JNG. And I used this exact stance in the story when Ali asked him to tell her what he saw int he mirror. Look at him compared to his brothers' stances. They look casual, and very open, hands shoved in their pockets. Taryll has his hands in front of him sort of as a shield, his legs apart  and his shoulders are slumped. He was emotional in that scene, but even just hanging around he stood like that. I witnessed Michael Jackson standing like this constantly over the years. (funny, Taryll's tribute song Best of All Time started playing.) 

In Thick, I didn't write Taryll as a celebrity, instead he was a salesman for his fathers guitar manufacturing company, because I wanted him to be relatable as a lay person with a negative body image, which is something alot of people deal with. I know I did. Some days I still DO. And how it began to crumble his relationship with Ali. 

Short temper flare-ups, arguments, fighting, even the haunting suspicion that Ali was cheating with his brother TJ. 

I knew I wanted to write a poignant story. That yes, it would have that hot as fire love scene, but I really wanted the story to have a damn point, and that was unconditional love. Ali saw Taryll at his absolute worst and was still there for him. (Unlike she who will not be named.) Overeating, bitter, unhappy, throwing his kid brother around. She still loved him and still found the beauty in not just his figure but his soul. 

In writing Taryll's eventual breakdown, I really did study his mannerisms and body language throughout JNG. 

At one point Taryll blows up when he thinks TJ is taking a picture of his girlfriend's butt. 

I just wanted him to be devoid of all emotion outside of anger/rage at that point And while this is just a pause during a concert--Foute Party, kickass! --I got the look I wanted. I'm very visually oriented. 

After Taryll throws TJ around, he runs to a buffet and eats and contemplates life. 

Again TJ mentioned that Taryll would get a weird look like was going to cry, but didn't. I referenced this twice actually. 

Seconds after this shot he broke down over his beloved mother and uncle.) 

When I say I study...I mean it. And a tell Taryll has when he's about to cry, he goes to licking his lips excessively. 

After visiting his mothers's grave for the first time since 1994. 

I really just tried to show he was hurting and feeling lost and really at times I didn't think I could finish writing because I never had my own work make me burst into tears. But when he was laying in the buffet parking lot in a pool of ralphed Pepper Steak, I was bawling. Because I know that kind of pain and shit got real. 

Maybe for the most part Ali was my creation as ideally the kind of person Taryll needs as a support system and its kind of obvious he's not getting that. 

But in the end what I really wanted was for Taryll to have better self-esteem and an image of himself--hence him buying the swimsuit for his birthday party. It wasn't even about the sex scene as it is so often when I bump out stories. I really felt this on a different level. Maybe it was my way of "repairing" and "healing" him in a world where I know I can't. 

But I can proudly say that out of ALL the stories I've written, 3T or Michael Jackson, this is my favorite and a personal triumph. 

I can only say I hope Taryll does find and get all the love, caring, and support he deserves in his life. He's only 40. There's a long road ahead of him. I want it to be as smooth as possible. He's been through enough. 

Thick 2: Twice as Nice will touch on the bodily woes of another member of 3T, but in a much different fashion. 

Again, thank you to all of the readers and I just had to get this off my chest. Thank you.